Always on my mind
by Danni Ikeda
Summary: The last three years had only been getting worse for our favourite singer. After Yuki kicks him out, he runs to Tatsuha. After more problems arise, Shuichi has to decide how to end it - and who to choose to do so.
1. Changes

Disclaimer:

I do not own gravitation or any of the characters in this story.

Shuichi watched the scenery pass by as he sat on the train. Anyone who looked at him wouldn't have known he had just been thrown out of his lover's life from a first glance. The smile that he had learnt to fake so well over the past few years was plastered on his lips, and all he carried was a satchel bag that contained no more than one set of clothes and a few essential items.

Yuki had kicked him out yet again, not long after he'd gotten home from work. All Shuichi had wanted was to tell his lover about the day he'd had, but Yuki didn't want to listen. So he'd eventually kicked the young singer out, telling him never to come back.

Shuichi would usually have gone to Hiro, but with Ayaka staying, Shuichi knew it would only serve to annoy his friend. So he'd bought a train ticket and jumped on the first one that came in. It probably wasn't the best thing to do, but Shuichi had never been one to think things through, after all. At least, that was what Yuki always told him...

When Shuichi finally hopped off the train, he had to wonder why he had brought himself to Kyoto. Though, as he stood thinking about it he realised that while he was here, he could possibly convince Tatsuha to help him. With that thought in mind, he set out for the temple, being the only place he remembered knowing Tatsuha frequented.

- - - - - -

Tatsuha's father was not at all impressed to see Shuichi. In fact, the two sat glaring at each other for longer than Shuichi could bear. At least the old man had called Tatsuha though. Eventually Shuichi could take it no longer and got up, heading for the door and stating that he needed a walk.

'Don't break anything.' The impertinent old man called after him.

'Don't worry, Usuegi-san. I'm pretty sure its not worth it.' Shuichi replied scathingly, just before slamming the door.

Shuichi sighed as he made his way to the pond that he had once stood at with Yuki. He remembered that day well. Yuki had told him another scrap about his past. That day, he thought that he had a bright future with Yuki. With a frown, he shook any thought of the man from his mind, focusing on the scene rather than the memory.

'Shuichi?'

He was snapped out of his dreaming as a rather worried young voice called out to him. He turned his head to see Tatsuha looking at him, eyebrows high on his forehead and his lips pulled into a worried line. Yet it lasted only for a second, as one look at Shuichi's face told him all that he needed and his face set into a knowing look.

'Where are your things?' Tatsuha asked quietly.

'Inside.' Shuichi replied just as quietly in a steely voice.

Tatsuha winced slightly at the tone that he'd never heard in Shuichi's voice. Then again, he thought, he hadn't seen the boy for at least eight months, if not more.

'Go and grab them. I'll meet you out front.'

Shuichi simply nodded, and turned away. Tatsuha sighed as he went out the front, leaning back against a sleek black car, much like his brothers', only more sporty. He tilted his head back and stared at a darkening sky, frowning. It was too hot for the sky to be turning as dark as it was now, heavy clouds laden with rain creeping across the sky.

He shrugged, not fussed about the weather. As he brought his head back down to look at the temple, he saw Shuichi making his way over with only a small bag. He frowned again, wondering that this was all he had brought, but shrugged it off, opening the car door for the young singer.

'This all you have?'

Shuichi simply nodded, looking at Tatsuha for a moment before stepping into the car, the small pack landing on the floor at his feet. Tatsuha frowned one last time before closing the door then entering the drivers side of the car and starting the engine. He checked that Shuichi was wearing his safety belt before hitting the accelerator, taking them off at a high speed. Shuichi sighed and let his head rest back, closing his eyes and soon enough, drifting into a light sleep.

- - - - - -

'Yuki, where are we going?' Shuichi's own voice sounded soft, distant.

'We? You are going home, to stay until I say so. I am going out.' Yuki replied in a harsh voice.

'But Yuki...' Shuichi whined.

'No. No buts. That's what I say, so that's the way it will be. Deal with it, brat.'

'But Yuki, I just--'

'No! I said no and that's final!' Yuki turned his head away from the road to look at Shuichi as he yelled.

'Yuki, look out!' Shuichi screamed in terror.

Yuki turned his head just in time to see the headlights and hear the sound of another horn. He closed his eyes as he let the inevitable impact hit, the sound of Shuichi's screams and the screech of the brakes ringing in his ears.

- - - - - -

'Shuichi? Shuichi!'

Tatsuha's voice sounded as Shuichi sat forward quickly, eyes flying open and his breath coming in rapid gasps. It took a moment for the young singer to calm down, but once he did, he looked over to see Tatsuha looking at him worriedly, a hand on his shoulder.

'I'm... Okay. Where are we?' Shuichi spoke quietly after a few deep breaths.

'We're at my place.' Tatsuha replied quietly.

Shuichi glanced out the window, looking at the nicely sized traditional japanese home. When Tatsuha asked if he was ready, he simply nodded, removing himself and his bag from the car. After waiting for Tatsuha to lock said car, they began walking together towards the place he would have to call home for a little while - though he was so far from his hearts' home.


	2. Something different

'So, this door leads to my room... Which I'm cleaning tomorrow so you can't see it right now...'

Tatsuha was saying to Shuichi, chuckling softly as he scratched the back of his head and held the door closed. He was giving Shuichi a small tour of the place, though there really wasn't that much to see. Being that Shuichi looked like he was curious to see the room, Tatsuha took him to a door across from his own and opened it.

'And of course, this will be your room for the time being. The bathroom is close so...'

The bathroom was certainly close, as it was right between their rooms, where the hallway ended. Glancing into the room, Shuichi had to admit he was impressed. He had a large four-poster bed, wardrobe, dresser, a table with a T.V, and even a small desk with a laptop placed upon it. He glanced at Tatsuha and noticed the man looking a little nervous. Oh, he was probably wanting to know if it was good or bad, shuichi thought.

'It's great Tatsuha. I'm grateful for you taking me in.' Shuichi spoke softly, though without any of his old cheer or enthusiasm.

'You don't have to thank me, Shu-chan. There's no way I couldn't do this for you.'

Tatsuha replied with a small smile. Sometimes, he wondered why people would ever want to hurt Shuichi. The young singer was most beautiful when he was happy and bouncy. But what he most couldn't figure out, was why his brother would want to ruin that.

When Shuichi didn't reply, only stared at his feet, Tatsuha sighed softly.

'Put your things down and come with me. Dinner should be almost ready.'

Shuichi nodded and put his bag in the room, following Tatsuha to the kitchen, where they sat and waited for the delivery to arrive - Tatsuha had ordered dinner to be delivered while Shuichi had slept in the car.

- - -

'That was good, Tatsuha. Thank you.'

Shuichi said softly, wiping his mouth and sitting back. They'd just finished dinner, which had contained all the good and yummy things that a meal should, despite being fast food. Now, both males were full, leaning back in their chairs.

'It's not a problem. Though I will ask you to follow me with the cups.'

Tatsuha replied with a grin as he stacked the plates and empty take-out containers in both hands. Shuichi nodded slightly and stood up, placing his cup inside of Tatsuha's and following. He hadn't even got to the kitchen when he heard the soft tone of Tatsuha's cell phone ringing.

'Shuichi, could you just grab that for me?'

Tatsuha called from the kitchen. By the sounds of it, he was struggling with the plates that he'd carried in, and the plates that had already been stacked up. Shuichi didn't worry about answering him, simply reaching for the phone. His biggest mistake, however, was not looking to see who was calling. So he simply answered the phone in a flat voice.

'Hello, Tatsuha's phone.'

If there was anything Shuichi knew of that one could breathe in and have their insides turn ice cold then liquify, he would swear that Tatsuha had just drugged him with it, as the shocked voice on the other end of the line answered. He didn't even hear the words, besides his own name. His mind just kept repeating the same name... Eiri Yuki.

'Shuichi, did you-'

Tatsuha spoke as he came around the corner, wiping his hands on a hand towel. He broke off mid-sentence, however, as he saw Shuichi holding his cell, eyes wide in shock, with his brothers' voice coming from the other end of the phone. Tatsuha paused for a moment, then frowned and stepped forward, slipping the phone away from Shuichi and hanging it up in one hit.

'Come on, Shuichi.'

Tatsuha led the shocked male toward his bedroom, then sat him on his own bed before turning to look through his drawer. After about two minutes, he stood and held a black pair of pyjamas up.

'I think these will fit you. Why don't you try them on? ...Shu?'

Tatsuha spoke as he had his back turned, then spoke the young singers' nick name quietly as he turned around to see Shuichi laying on his back, eyes closed. Tatsuha couldn't help a slight smile as he realised that he was asleep. He stared for a few moments, then came to his senses and began to change him from his dirty clothes into the clean and soft pyjamas.

'Poor Shuichi... He must be so exhausted...'

Tatsuha whispered to himself, lifting the small male into his arms to move him further up onto the bed. Tatsuha went as far as to put Shuichi underneath the covers before he moved to leave, planning on taking the guest bedroom for the night. He'd just kissed Shuichi's forehead and whispered goodnight before turning away, when he felt a hand grip his wrist tightly, holding him back. Confused, he glanced back at Shuichi.

'Don't leave... Please... Stay...'

Shuichi murmured in his sleep, his grip on Tatsuha's wrist strong.

Tatsuha was confused for a second, then he smiled and voiced his agreement. Shuichi's grip still only relaxed as he climbed into the bed beside the man, putting his arm over Shuichi so the young male wouldn't be strained by the grip he had on Tatsuha's wrist.

'Goodnight, Shuichi. Sweet dreams, and let us all hope they be without a certain novelist.'

Shuichi made a soft noise, his grip on Tatsuha's wrist never loosening for even a second. The black haired male only smiled lightly, laying his own head on a single pillow, as he'd given Shuichi the other three of his. It wasn't too long before his eyes closed and he drifted into a light sleep.


	3. A new look

Shuichi woke slowly in the morning, dazed and slightly confused. It took him a few moments, rubbing the sleep from dimmed amethyst eyes, before he realised that he was alone. Next he realised that he was in Tatsuha's room. That was odd, as he didn't really remember much of what happened after dinner the night before.

Speaking of dinner, was it his imagination or did he smell food cooking? He was curious, but he decided that he would stay in bed for a few more minutes.

After another twenty minutes, Shuichi lifted himself from the pillows and pushed the blanket aside. It was then that he realised two things. One was that he was wearing black pyjamas that still smelt distinctly of Tatsuha. The second was that the other side of the blanket had been pushed back, meaning that Tatsuha must have been in the bed with him at some point.

He was confused for a few seconds, but he let it pass with a shrug and got up, bare feet padding on the soft carpet as he headed for the door.

He made his way out to the kitchen, remembering his path from the day before. A slight, sad smile came to his lips as he ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it back. Tatsuha was wearing a plain white apron, running around the kitchen making all sorts of foods for breakfast. The smoke that came from the frypan remind him of his own rare attempts at making breakfast for Yuki.

Shuichi frowned slightly at the memory, then yawned and sat in one of the chairs at the table, leaning back into it. Tatsuha noticed him then, and smiled.

'Good morning. Did you sleep well?'

'Well enough, I suppose...' Shuichi paused, frowning slightly. 'Tatsuha... What happened...?'

Tatsuha paused in the middle of flipping one of the eggs over, looking confused. Then he realised what Shuichi was talking about, and a slight crimson blush crept across his cheeks.

'You were exhausted last night, so I took you to get a pair of pyjamas and... well, you sort of fell asleep. Then you didn't want me to leave so... Well, I didn't.'

Shuichi thought on that for a moment, then seemed to understand and accept it. Tatsuha smiled for a second before he realised breakfast was burning again and quickly served it onto plates and poured the breakfast drinks.

- - - -

'So, are you planning on anything today, Shuichi?'

The two males had just finished breakfast, and were leaning back in their chairs. Tatsuha spoke as he was pulling a packet of cigarettes from his pocket. Shuichi frowned slightly, realising he had the urge for one. That may just have been because he had been inhaling Yuki's second hand smoke for so long.

'Not really. Anything in mind?'

'I was wondering if you wanted to go and collect the rest of your things...'

Tatsuha replied. He watched as every line in Shuichi's face went stiff. Tatsuha gently slid the packet across the table to Shuichi, lighter sitting on top of it. Shuichi decided to take one, Tatsuha waiting as he lit the cigarette then took a short drag. Surprisingly enough, he didn't cough when he breathed it into his lungs.

'I'm not so sure about that Tatsuha... I mean, most of the stuff-'

'You won't use any more? At least get your things other than clothes, Shu...'

Shuichi sighed and bowed his head slightly. Tatsuha understood and leant back, giving him a moment to think. The two sat smoking for a few minutes together, Shuichi's drags slowly getting deeper and sounding more regular. After some time, he decided, nodding slightly.

'Alright. But will you take me to the shops first? I want to fix a few things before I face him again.'

'Anything you need, Shuichi.'

Shuichi nodded and leant back, closing his eyes. The two young males finished their cigarettes together in silence. After a lot of messing around, they were finally ready to go.

- - - - - -

Shuichi sat in a chair beside a hospital bed, tear stains on his cheeks as he looked at his bandaged lover. His hand rested over Yuki's as he watched over the man. The nurse had come in several times over the day, telling him to go home and get some sleep, but he refused. He just watched and waited, covered in bandages himself.

'Yuki... Please don't leave me here. Please, I love you...'

Shuichi whispered softly before more tears leaked from his eyes.

'What the hell are you doing here brat?'

The harsh voice cut the silence and Shuichi's eyes widened in shock.

'Yuki? You're awake?'

'Of course I bloody am. Now leave.'

'But...but why?'

'Just do as I say. I don't want you here.'

'I won't.'

Shuichi was heart broken that Yuki didn't want to see or speak to him, but he didn't want to leave his lovers' side. He had no idea what he'd done wrong, but still, Yuki pressed the buzzer for the nurse. When one came in, he asked them calmly to remove Shuichi from the room. Shuichi refused, and security was called.

'Yuki, why are you doing this to me?! I love you!'

'Shindou-san! Please calm down, you cannot over exert yourself!'

The nurse cried to the struggling singer. It had taken two security guards to drag Shuichi away from Yuki, and now he was at the door. With a look of what Shuichi could only interpret as disgust, Yuki turned his head away. Shuichi was then dragged from the room, crying and screaming for Yuki. Blood ran down his face from where the wound on his head had been re-opened as he'd faught against the guards.

- - - -

'Well, what do you think?'

Shuichi came out of the hair stylist shop and asked an opinion of Tatsuha. His pink hair was gone - in its place was black hair with blood red streaks running through it from back to front. Tatsuha could only stare and gape in astonishment.

'Shuichi...?'

'Yes, it's me. I just have to pick up a few other things, okay?'

Tatsuha nodded dumbly, still far too taken in by the change to Shuichi's appearance. As Shuichi led the way, it was all he could do to fall into his steps as they went from shop to shop, picking up the bits and peices that Shuichi said he needed. It was at least forty five minutes before Shuiochi announced that he was done and they headed back to the car.

Once Tatsuha opened the doors, he looked confused as Shuichi slipped into the back seat and began setting his things out on the seat. Catching Tatsuha's confused look, he shrugged slightly and waited until Tatsuha had lowered himself into the drivers' seat before giving a response to the unspoken question.

'I'm going to have to change on the way. He'll be leaving soon, so... I'm just going to change in the back of the car. Okay?'

'No worries. To your place, then?'

Shuichi's eyes dimmed at that. 'To Yuki's.'

Tatsuha understood the way he felt. Shuichi probably believed that the place he used to live would never be, and had never been, a true home for the young male. He kicked the engine over then began driving, doing his best not to glance in the mirror on the way as he heard Shuichi struggling with the pants, growling about too many straps and belts.

- - - -

Eventually Tatsuha's car pulled into the parking lot of the block of units that Yuki lived in.Tatsuha stepped out of the car first, and just in case Yuki was watching, walked around to the other side of the car. He opened the door and Shuichi stepped out slowly.

He was wearing a tight black singlet with black flare pants, bondage straps and belts attached to the legs. A necklace hung from his neck, a small heart that read 'Love is lies'. He wore a watch on one wrist and a sweatband on the other with another negative phrase on it. Last was a pair of blue contacts that he had bought. No-one would ever know the difference.

'Are you ready?'

Shuichi nodded slightly to Tatsuha, then took a smoke out of the packet he'd bought that day. He lit it and took a few drags before walking into the complex and up the stairs. Tatsuha protested to the cigarette inside at first, then let it go. The now gothic-looking singer finally stopped in front of Yuki's apartment door. He steadied himself, then used his key to let the two of them in.


	4. Pain, Memories, or both?

Notes:

Serenity Usagi Tenou: Yes, I know, unfair. I once thought of getting a beta reader, but the problem is I just can't wait to post the stories. So it's kinda impossible. Though, this is the first time I've posted one without finishing it first... Guess I'm trying to force myself not to lose interest.

To all, yes the breaks marked like this - - - - - - Mean the beginning of a flash back. Sorry to have confused you all. I don't really include dreams or future things in my stories... Though you could say they're flash backs and dreams, since he usually is asleep... -drifts off to lala land-

Tatsuha entered the apartment first, just in case. He glanced around for a moment, not noticing anyone in the room. It was then that he turned and nodded to Shuichi, letting the young singer know that it was fine for him to enter. Shuichi did so, feeling an odd combination of fear, nervousness and confidence in the one hit. He knew that he could turn Yuki down now - push him away - but afraid of what would happen when he did.

Once Shuichi was sure that Yuki wasn't in the main areas of the apartment, he nodded to Tatsuha and they headed for the bedroom that he once shared with Yuki. He glanced at the watch quickly, just to check - at a quarter to one, he was pretty sure Yuki would be in the study, cramming in as much work as possible before meeting his editor. He shrugged and stepped into the bedroom, nearly certain now as this room was empty also.

'Where's your things?'

Tatsuha asked Shuichi quietly, automatically thinking that they'd be in the cupboard. Shuichi simply gave him a grim smile and reached under the bed, pulling out three medium sized boxes. Tatsuha looked on in slight shock. He'd known that this was the way that Yuki would have treated the boy from the start, but it had been four years, for gods sakes!

'I had to.' Shuichi spoke as though reading his thoughts. 'Otherwise, he would have got rid of it.'

Tatsuha nodded dumbly, still in shock as he helped Shuichi pack his things from the boxes into a large suit case they had bought. Once they had finished, they stood and took a second to glance around the room. A slight smile reached Shuichi's lips before he forced it away with a soft growl. This place held near to no good memories for him.

'Anything else?'

Tatsuha asked softly. Shuichi turned, looking at him with a deep pain in his eyes.

'No. There's nothing that I wish to take.'

Shuichi turned to exit the room, then froze. Yuki stood in the doorway, leaning on one side of the frame with a cigarette in his free hand. Shuichi didn't know how long he had been standing there, but the gaze Yuki gave him bothered him a fair bit.

'Didn't leave anything behind, hm?' Yuki's voice was low.

'No. Nothing.'

Shuichi replied, making to walk out. Yuki raised a hand, blocking his way with a smirk as he saw that the young singer was still nervous around him. Still would not completely defy him. He stared at the boy for a moment before shooting a glance at Tatsuha with a slight chuckle.

'He's the new one, eh? And I suppose this is all for him?'

Yuki reached out and flicked Shuichi's hair, then pointed to his eyes. With a slight scowl, Shuichi leant back, away from the offensive hand. This only served to make Yuki laugh.

'It doesn't surprise me. You always were a dirty whore.'

'Don't call me-' Shuichi began in a raised voice.

He never got to finish his sentence, however, as the back of Yuki's hand connected with full force to the side of his face before he had time to register it. Shuichi fell, but Tatsuha caught him before he hit the ground. Shuichi held his face with tears in his eyes, and Tatsuha stared up at Yuki with shock.

'Eiri! He did nothing to deserve that!'

'Oh really, little brother? He's a dirty whore - and you're no better.'

Yuki was glaring at them with intense anger, taking a step into the room. Tatsuha helped Shuichi to stand, then the dark-haired singer stood on his own feet, staring at him with shock and anger. A look of disgust curled Yuki's upper lip.

'You can both rot in hell.'

Before either had time to register it, Yuki had pushed the cigarette he held into Shuichi's cheek, extinguishing it. Shuichi screamed and fell once more, as Tatsuha launched forward and landed a hit on Yuki's cheek.

The look on Yuki's face was pure shock, seconds before he fell unconscious. Tatsuha forgot his hand - forgot his unconscious brother - forgot everything except to lift Shuichi into his arms and get him out of that place.

Tatsuha managed to get Shuichi down to the car, along with the suitcase. He packed the suitcase in first, helping shuichi stand long enough to lean against the door of the car. Once that was done, he helped Shuichi into the car then took off as fast as possible, heading home. Shuichi passed out from the pain not long after.

- - - - - -

'Please Yuki... Don't go...'

Shuichi begged his lover as the older novelist prepared himself. He was dressed in black pants with an expensive shirt, a black jacket over the top of it. The jacket even had a red rose in the pocket of it. He didn't even dress like this for book signings. But Shuichi wouldn't believe that there was anything going on - no matter what hiro told him, no matter the signs.

'Shut up brat. Just make sure you don't wreck the place.'

'But Yuki, why are you going? _Where _are you going?'

'Do you really want to know?'

Yuki growled, turning a cold gaze on Shuichi. It was met with a hollow look. Somewhere, deep inside Yuki, it hurt him to see that look, but his fuddled brain took over and it didn't care. It enjoyed that pain in the boys eyes. It even told his lips to smirk as he saw Shuichi nod.

'I'm going to dinner with a young girl, and I'm going to have a much better fuck than you have ever given me.'

The look in Shuichi's eyes could not be described. He broke in that second. His heart, his mind, his soul - everything. It all broke. But Yuki couldn't leave it at that. Oh no. Never.

'I'm bored with you.'

With those last harsh, cruel words, Yuki turned and left the house. Shuichi didn't cry. He didn't scream or bawl like he used to. He sat there, speechless and motionless. He probably sat there the whole night that Yuki was gone.

- - - -

'Does it feel any better yet?'

Tatsuha's gentle voice drifted into the sitting room as he walked in holding another bag of frozen vegetables in a towel. Shuichi was laying on the couch, eyes closed with the current compress on his cheek. He groaned in response, not daring to respond much more than that just in case it caused the wound to reopen. Tatsuha had cleaned it and applied antiseptic, but it still hurt, and it had bled for a long time. To clean out the ash, they'd had to open it up.

Tatsuha walked over and lightly took the bag that Shuichi had away, giving him the new, colder wrapped bag. He winced as he saw Shuichi flinch in pain from the new contact. He shook his head and sighed softly. He moved out of the room, heading to the kitchen to put the vegetables back in the freezer. He still wondered why his brother would do such a thing, but he just couldn't understand it.

Later in the night, after Tatsuha had helped Shuichi to have some hot soup, it was time for bed. Tatsuha actually brought the pyjamas out to the boy, then changed him into them. Shuichi flushed, not particularly liking the feeling of helplessness, yet at the same time, a warm feeling filling him at the thought and knowledge that Tatsuha cared this much about him.

Once that was done, Tatsuha carried Shuichi in the arms towards the guest bedroom. But when Shuichi begged not to be alone, Tatsuha couldn't deny him. So he lay the young singer in his own bed, slipping in beside him once he was comfortable. Tatsuha hid a small smile as Shuichi reached for his arm and pulled it around his waist, his back to Tatsuha's chest. Shuichi fell asleep shortly, and Tatsuha did the same not long after.

A/N: Sorry it took so long! I had a block...


	5. Turning Point

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Tatsuha woke early in the morning, sometime around 6am. Shuichi had been staying with him for a few weeks now, but he wasn't exactly sure if he would ever get used to the feeling of waking with the boys' arm wrapped around his waist, or the soft, warm breath that floated over his ear. While they usually went to sleep back-to-chest, Shuichi had taken to turning in his sleep so they were face-to-face, or in this mornings case, Tatsuha's face to Shuichi's neck, where his breath could easily caress the shell of his ear.

It was the same as most of the other mornings. Tatsuha gently and quietly slipped out of the bed, breathing a sigh of relief when the boy only muttered a little in his sleep then drifted back. He stood straight and stretched, yawning silently as he did so. He'd only gone to bed around midnight last night, so he was still tired.

Bare feet padded against the hardwood floor as he made his way out to the kitchen. He made a short stop at the door of the place, opening it and leaning down to pick up the daily newspaper that rested on the non-existent welcome mat. It was right at that moment that he saw a familiar mop of dark blue hair travelling up the staircase that led to his apartment.

'Damn...'

Tatsuha whispered the single word to himself as he tried to make his way back into the apartment quietly. He was a bit late, however, as the male turned and saw him. Tatsuha closed his eyes with an audible sigh, clearly preparing himself for the worst as he straightened, leaning against the door frame for support.

'Tatsuha! Wonderful to see you. It has been such a long time.'

The silken voice reminded Tatsuha of times long gone, lost memories of his very own broken heart. He gritted his teeth as he opened his eyes slightly, finding himself staring directly into the light green eyes of his ex lover. He remembered a time that those eyes were breath-taking, enchanting in his mind. Though to a degree, that idea was still true. He found himself searching for words for several moments, before reminding himself of the reason he hadn't seen the blue-haired man in such a long time.

'Setoru. There is a reason you well know to that length of time.'

The man reached out, his forefinger sliding to rest underneath Tatsuha's chin, holding it so the other would be forced to look at him.

'But Tatsuha, darling. I've missed you.'

The husky voice of his ex-lover swept over Tatsuha's senses, almost controlling, as it always had been. It was almost like he was in a trance, knowing what was happening but being unable to move as Setoru leaned in, his face getting closer to Tatsuha's until the black haired male felt those velvet lips upon his own.

'Tatsuha! Tats-'

Shuichi called cheerfully as he bounced down the hallway. His second call of the man's name was cut short, however, as he saw the door not only open, but a glimpse of a blue-haired male just outside it. He frowned and moved closer, until his eyes widened in shock at the sight of Tatsuha, eyes slightly glazed over as Setoru was pressing against him, kissing him.

Shuichi was still for a few moments before a sudden, odd spike of jealousy forced him into an action much unlike himself. His hand curled into a fist slowly, then quite suddenly he launched forward, bringing his fist back then forward to smash into Setoru's cheek, knocking him quite forcefully away from Tatsuha.

Setoru was knocked to the ground, eyes slightly wide in shock. That had actually hurt. He barely got a second to register the fact, however, as the next instant Shuichi was on top of him, landing another hit on his left eye, and bringing his fist back for more. The pink haired singer was screaming something about staying away from Tatsuha, but it didn't register.

It did register, however, when Tatsuha came out of his shock enough to pull Shuichi off Setoru. The man was well and truly knocked out by that point. Shuichi struggled for a little while, until Tatsuha managed to get him inside the apartment. Shuichi stormed off once he was back inside, and Tatsuha stared in shock at Setoru once before closing the door.

Following the general direction that Shuichi had gone, Tatsuha looked for the boy. He finally found him, in the last place he expected. The kitchen, drinking a rather strong coffee - and seeming to be coping quite well with the idea of smoking a cigarette. He had his back to Tatsuha, leaning on the counter with his eyes closed. Tatsuha frowned slightly with his appearance. Had it really bothered the younger male that much? And why.

'Shuichi...?'

His voice was soft as he laid a hand gently on the others' shoulder, after walking to him carefully. Shuichi opened his eyes, flinching as though burned. Yet when he looked at the other, he could see the hesitation and fear in Tatsuha's eyes, just the same as Tatsuha could register the still burning anger and deeper fear in Shuichi's. Neither spoke for some time.

- - - + - - -

'Why can't you just be god damned normal for once?!'

Yuki kicked the door to the apartment in, a look of pure rage on his face. Shuichi followed, tears streaming down his face. For once he was quiet, silent, even as he pulled the door away from the wall where it had left a hole and closed it as carefully as possible. He didn't want to make his lover more angry than he was. Yet, it seemed that even the soft click of the lock spurred Yuki to turn and yell again.

'Why won't you just leave? What is it going to take, brat?!'

'Y-Yuki, I--'

Shuichi began to stammer, more tears flowing from his already red, puffy eyes. He'd sat out there, outside Yuki's apartment block through wind and rain. He wouldn't leave, he couldn't, he loved the man too much. But when the older male had finally come to get him, he was livid with rage.

'Don't say you love me. Don't ever say it. You're a filthy liar. But I won't be blamed for your death. So go have a shower, then leave. Go to your Hiro. Go to whomever. I don't care, Shindou.'

Yuki very rarely called Shuichi by any name other than brat, and especially not by his last name. So he went silent again, tears falling down his cheeks as he made his way to the shower. Yuki may be healed with no more bandages, but Shuichi wasn't. He still wore a long bandage winding from his wrist all the way up his left arm...

- - - + - - -

'Tatsuha?'

Tatsuha turned around to face the dark-haired singer. They were in Tatsuha's bed, as usual. He looked at Shuichi, and noted that the other male was looking at him with a searching expression. He was silent for a few moments, then spoke.

'What did Setoru say to you?'

Shuichi had gone out after the incident earlier in the day, to get beer and smokes. He'd come back on the back of Hiro's motorcycle, drunk. The red haired male had found him in the park near Yuki's, and after getting the younger male into Tatsuha's place, had left without another word. How Shuichi knew that he had talked to Setoru later, Tatsuha had no idea.

'Not a great deal, actually. He was after you. He asked me to bring you to a local bar in two days time.'

'What for?'

'He said he had a proposition for you.'

'Oh.'

Shuichi fell silent. What kind of proposition did he have, exactly? And why him? Shuichi barely knew the man. All he knew was that the man had once been with Tatsuha, and hurt him rather badly. That was why the young singer hated him so. He hated anyone that hurt Tatsuha. It had been that way for over a year now.

Tatsuha sighed softly. Obviously that was all he was going to get out of Shuichi for tonight. The younger male still seemed bothered, though, and Tatsuha simply wished he could make it go away. Shuichi rolled over, then shuffled back into Tatsuha's arms. Tatsuha lay for some time, thinking and watching Shuichi sleep until he finally went to sleep himself. It had been a long day.

x-x-x-x


	6. Proposal

8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Proposal**

A/N: I realized that I never made the dedication at the beginning of this story as I had intended to – knowing how this story will end, I think the man I write it for is... Worthy of what I have to say..

I wrote it for my Red Anger. Yes, I claim 'Mine'. Without the emotion he gave me it wouldn't have been possible to hurt enough to pour the pain into this. So I guess it's a thank you, from me. Maybe I should have learned. Maybe I shouldn't have needed you so much. But I did, and I got stung, like stirring up a hornets nest and waiting to see what they're going to do.

But enough now. Not everyone needs to hear about my petty issues.

8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

It was now two days after Setoru's first appearance, and the two males were running extremely late. The day before there had been a prolonged argument about whether or not Tatsuha was going to stay with Shuichi. Tatsuha wanted to protect Shuichi, but the black-and-crimson haired singer had refused outright, stating that he would be damned if he would sit and watch Setoru hit on Tatsuha in front of him, the statement quickly causing Tatsuha to fall silent and Shuichi to turn away, rather crimson.

In the end it had been agreed that Hiro would come with them, and he and Tatsuha would sit at another table while Shuichi spoke to Setoru. That seemed to sit well, so it had been arranged. But this morning they had woken late, and Hiro was probably already on his way to the small bar.

'Shuichi come on, you can fix your belts in the car!' Tatsuha called impatiently.

Tatsuha was already ready, dressed in a short sleeved black shirt topping dark jeans that fit him well. He wore simple trainers, and his hair looked like he had simply swept a hand through it - which in fact, he had. He wasn't really one for taking his time with his appearance, so he spent the remaining time finding a patch bandage for Shuichi's cheek, cutting it to the right size and getting a square of clear sticky stuff that would stick the bandage to Shuichi's cheek, over the burn that remained.

'I'm almost ready...'

Shuichi called from the bathroom absently, as Tatsuha huffed. A few more moments and the young singer exited the bathroom. His hair had been styled to fall over one eye, the black and red strands perfectly lined. He was wearing a shirt with some punk band on it, and his belted trousers topping heavy black boots. And to complete the look, he'd slipped on a pair of dark, thin shades. Lastly he grabbed his black jacket from the table and pulled it on.

'Okay, let's go.' He said, turning to look at Tatsuha.

'Uh. Yeah.' Tatsuha replied, shaking himself out of the slight shock at the boy's impressive appearance.

- - - -

_One hour later..._

'It's not my fault! If you'd read the street directory properly we'd be here on time!'

Tatsuha was complaining to Shuichi as they pulled up to the bar, finally. Hiro's motor bike was sitting by the door, but they couldn't tell which was Setoru's car. Maybe the blue haired man would be the late one instead. Tatsuha rolled his eyes as Shuichi's protests about his not stopping to ask directions continued as they stepped out of the low car and locked it.

'Like I'm going to stop and ask some random person that shrieks when I pull up beside them.'

'Yeah well they wouldn't have if you weren't such a crazy driver!' Shuichi whined, stopping to lean on the bonnet of the car and pulling out a cigarette.

'Wait till I take you drifting... Shu how many times do I have to tell you, my car is not a park bench!' Tatsuha growled, though it was without any real heat.

That was one of the things that Shuichi really liked about Tatsuha. They had little arguments like this all the time, raised voices and everyone would look at them, but it was never with any real heat to it. They could whine and yell for hours but they'd end up laughing and curled up together that night, no matter what. And it wasn't really anger... Just a banter.

'Where else do you want me to put my butt?! I'm not standing up to have a cigarette.' Shuichi lit the cigarette, sighing with relief as he put the packet and lighter away.

'I could think of a few places...' Tatsuha muttered underneath his breath, surprising even himself.

He didn't know he thought of Shuichi that way, he thought as he pulled his own cigarettes out and lit one. He didn't want to waste time, but he couldn't deny the beautiful young singer. '_Get a grip on yourself, man,' _Tatsuha thought to himself, _'He might look like Sakuma but he's still your brothers' ex lover.' _That brought him back to reality slightly. Until he realized that he hadn't seen the singer as the famous Sakuma Ryuichi for a long time now. He'd seen him as an individual, beautiful person - as Shuichi.

'Tatsuha? Hey, Tatsuha!' Shuichi waved a hand in front of the black-haired man's face.

'Eh?' Tatsuha blinked and looked at the black and red haired singer curiously.

'You totally spaced out. Let's go get this over with, hey?' And with that, Shuichi hooked his arm in Tatsuha's and steered the taller man inside the bar.

Walking in, they immediately saw the mop of blue hair and the waist length red hair. But Shuichi wasn't interested so much in that, and despite Tatsuha's protest, he led the taller man straight toward the bar. They ordered drinks, Shuichi getting double Vodka with strawberry syrup and lemonade, Tatsuha asking for a seven ounce glass of scotch. Shuichi payed, frowning at the odd look he got from Tatsuha.

'What?'

'You seem stressed.' Tatsuha replied glancing at the drink and back at Shuichi, who was busy putting two straws in his drink, and then in Tatsuha's as well.

'Really? Do I?' Shuichi replied sardonically.

Tatsuha frowned slightly. Shuichi wasn't often grumpy or sarcastic - only really when he was stressed. That was something he'd noticed over the few weeks that Shuichi had been staying at his place. He'd learned to know his moods despite the faces he put on.

'Hey, is there anywhere we can smoke here?' Shuichi asked the barkeep as he returned the change, finally.

'Sure, there's a room up there to the left.' The bar keep replied kindly, winking at Shuichi.

The singer turned away with a frown, looking over to see Setoru waving at him. That made the grimace even worse. He turned to Tatsuha then, intent on saying something, but Tatsuha simply shook his head, smiled at him then took his drink with him as he went to Hiro. The pair spoke for a minute, then moved off to sit by the door that led to the smoking room.

Shuichi scowled slightly, wondering. Either way, he moved toward Setoru, sipping at his drink through the two straws. When he came close to the blue-haired man he simply glared, still sipping through both the straws. Neither moved for a moment, then...

'Well, I didn't expect you to actually come.' Setoru stated with a slight smirk.

'Call me curious.' Shuichi replied, then pointed to the smoking room. 'Let's talk.'

Shuichi led the way to the smoking room, not bothering to wait for Setoru to pick up his beer and follow. As they passed Hiro and Tatsuha, Shuichi gave the black-haired man a slight smile, then stepped past them and pushed open the tinted door. He received a slight shock – the smoking room was beautifully decorated, plush red arm chairs, high glass tables decorated with black frames, and beautiful art drawings over the walls. The ceiling was open, so that the cigarette smoke could escape.

'Wow.' Was all Shuichi could say, paused in the doorway.

'Yes, this place is well known for its taste – and its privacy.' Setoru answered with a smirk, giving the young singer a push to get him to move.

Shuichi scowled at the blue-haired man behind him, then moved off to find a seat. He finally settled on the table and chairs in a corner, taking one of the plush chairs and moving it so that he could sit with his back to the corner, facing out toward the room. He leaned forward, placing his drink on the table with a soft tap. He looked up to see Setoru looking at him as the blue-haired man sat, chuckling softly.

'What's so funny?' Shuichi snapped, leaning back and arching in his seat lightly to get the packet of cigarettes out of his pocket.

'Nothing.' Setoru stifled his laughter as he pulled out a cigarette of his own and lit it, passing the lighter to Shuichi when he realized the boy did not have one.

Shuichi frowned but took the lighter anyway, breathing in short puffs of the cigarette to get it lit. Once there was a red cherry clinging to the end of the cancerous stick, Shuichi passed the lighter back to the man. They sat there in silence a few moments, Shuichi pulling his knees up to his chest and lounging back, his drink held in his hand as he alternately sipped on it and dragged from the cigarette.

'What did you ask me here for, Setoru?' Shuichi asked bluntly after some time.

'To talk about you and Eiri.' Setoru answered, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

'I don't wish to speak about that man. If that's all, I guess I can leave now.' Shuichi answered, scowling as he made to stand.

'I'm talking about ending this hold he has over you.' Setoru smirked, watching as Shuichi sat back again with a frown.

'What hold? He has no hold over me.' Shuichi took a deep drag from his cigarette, inhaling the deadly smoke.

'Oh really? So you'd go out and ask Tatsuha out right now, then?' Setoru asked with narrowed eyes and smirk upon his lips.

'I... What?' Shuichi spluttered, quickly taking a long drink. He drained the glass. 'What do you mean, ask Tatsuha out? I don't-'

'Don't try to tell me you don't like him.' Setoru cut his sentence off. 'Not after the beating you gave me.'

'I.. That was just because you'll only hurt Tatsuha again!' Shuichi yelled, now slamming his glass down on the table.

'I have no interest in Tatsuha any more.' Setoru drawled, resting lazily back in his seat. 'That little kiss was just to open both your eyes to the fact that you like each other.'

'I don't-' Shuichi started, but was cut off again.

'You do like him. You just can't, because he's your ex-lovers' brother, and that seems wrong in your opinion. Just like Tatsuha thinks it's wrong to care about you, because you're his brothers' ex-lover.'

'How do you know all this?' Shuichi asked suspiciously.

'I have my ways of knowing these things.' Setoru answered, then settled back to smoke the rest of his cigarette.

Shuichi slowly dragged on his cigarette, barely noticing that there was at least an inch of ash that he hadn't flicked off. He was too busy staring through the door to the smoking room, glad that Tatsuha could not see through his way as he watched the black haired male eying the door with worry in his eyes. Then laughing as Hiro did something stupid to himself. Shuichi smiled slightly, getting a warm feeling as he always did, seeing Tatsuha laugh.

He sighed inwardly. Setoru was right – Eiri was the only reason that Shuichi hadn't actually confessed his feelings to Tatsuha yet. But what could be done? Eiri wasn't going anywhere any time soon, there were simply too many people to take advantage of here. Shuichi frowned, then turned to Setoru, who was watching him with an intent expression.

'Alright. What can I do?'

- - - -

A/N#2: Thank you every one for your support. Knowing there's someone reading my blabbering is the only reason I finished this chapter.


	7. Choices

**Choices**

**-**

**-**

-

-

-

-

_What the hell is he thinking? How can I possibly accept this?! ...And why do I want to?_ Shuichi was questioning himself as he ordered himself drinks at the bar. His head was spinning, and he felt dizzy, but it was no cause of the alcohol. It was because of the fact that Setoru had just offered him a hand gun. He hadn't seen it – Setoru had mentioned it and Shuichi had almost immediately said that he needed another drink. Or two.

'Something wrong, sir?' The bar keep asked kindly.

Shuichi snapped his head up and blinked. 'Ah... No... How much will that be?'

The bar keep gave him the price, and Shuichi handed over the money, walking away with the tray of drinks in his hands before the bar keep even had a chance to give him the change. He looked at his work mate, frowning slightly.

'That Shuichi Shindou sure seems to have a lot on his plate, doesn't he.' The first questioned.

'Well of course, after what that bastard writer did to him. I'd be looking for revenge, myself.' The second bar keep answered him, then smiled and returned to his work.

Shuichi made his way to the smoking room, frowning slightly. He saw Tatsuha get up, noticing that little line that appeared on the man's face when he was worried. He gave a slight shake of his head, watching as the black-haired male sat back down with a frown before moving off to the tinted doors.

Stepping through the door and letting it close, Shuichi noticed that Setoru was leaning forward, rubbing his palms together as his elbows rested on his knees. _Why does he look so worried? _Shuichi thought as he moved to take his corner seat. _I'm the one that should be worried here. He offered me a gun for christs sake!_

'I got something for you too.' Shuichi mumbled as he set the tray down, setting two shot glasses on the table and his own drink before discarding the tray.

Setoru looked up silently, nodded his thanks then took one of the two shot glasses. He waited for Shuichi to pick up his, then they both downed them. Shuichi made a slight face and drank from his glass, forgetting the straws and taking it half way down. Then he sat, pulling out another cigarette from the packet he had left on the table.

'Something has to be done, Shuichi.' Setoru spoke softly after several moments silence.

'Why this? I don't get it.' Shuichi answered in a troubled voice, his thumb resting on his lips.

'Because you deserve the choice.'

At that, Shuichi laughed. 'Choice? I have never had a choice. What choice do I have now?'

'The choice between your life, or his. Which are you more willing to let go of?'

'I...' Shuichi stopped, unsure what to say. He took a long drag of the cigarette.

_So that's what this is. In the end, I have to choose to kill myself, or to kill him. I'll be just like him if I kill him but... If I die, Tatsuha would never forgive me. Then again, he'd never forgive me for killing Eiri._ Thoughts were running through Shuichi's mind faster than he could catch them. It was amazing how fast he could think when he didn't want to think at all. He took another long drag and inhaled the smoke, then put his free hand to his head.

'Why do I have to choose this?'

'Because if you don't, you will never be free. Neither will he. You torment each other, Shuichi.' Setoru answered, flicking the ash of his cigarette on the floor.

'Give me some time to think about it.' Shuichi answered, extinguishing the cigarette and finishing his drunk in quick gulps.

Shuichi got up to leave, but Setoru got up quickly, putting an arm out to stop him.

'Wait...'

'What for?' Shuichi snapped.

He was shocked as he felt Setoru slip his arms around his waist. He was... hugging him? Then he felt something hard and cold slip into the back of his pants. His eyes went slightly wide, the touch of steel chilling his skin. He tried to pull away, but Setoru held him there long enough to pull the shirt back down over it.

'Just take it. Just in case.'

Shuichi stared wide eyed for a moment, then positively fled. He barrelled out of the room, and heard his name being called as he headed for the exit. Somehow he knew that Tatsuha was chasing him. He could see Tatsuha's car – it wasn't much further. But his legs felt heavy. And suddenly, his knees went weak, and he fell, the world going black around him. The last thing he remembered was Tatsuha screaming his name in worry.

x-x-Flashback-x-x

'Hey Yuki, I'm home!' Shuichi called out, his voice cheery.

He bounced around, throwing his jacket off onto the lounge and going to the fridge. He grabbed a can of soda with a cute chuckle, downing it in one hit. Then he threw the can into the bin and began bouncing up the hall, on his way to Yuki's study.

'Yuki, hey Yuki! You promised me--'

Shuichi stopped in his tracks, his cheery expression quickly turning to a fearful one. There was his lover – with a silver and black gun pointing straight between his eyes, a horrifying expression on his face. Shuichi was too shocked even to cry – too scared.

'Y..Yuki? What are... you doing?' His voice was shaking.

'I'm pointing a gun at your head, and telling you to leave. Now.'

'But Yuki, you promised!' Shuichi begged.

'No buts this time. If you don't leave, I will pull the trigger.' And to prove the point, Yuki clicked the safety off, right in front of his eyes. 'You have to the count of three.'

'A..Alright... I'll leave... I...' Shuichi whispered, backing away.

'I already packed for you.' Yuki threw a bag at Shuichi.

'When can I come back...?' Shuichi held the bag in both hands, tears welling up.

'Never.' Yuki's finger visibly tightened on the trigger.

Shuichi shook his head slightly, wide eyes filling with tears that ran down his cheeks quickly.

'I... I love you Yuki...'

Then he turned and ran out of the door. He had barely gotten out when he heard the gun shot. Trembling with fear, he ran down the stairs and out of the apartment. Who ever knew that Yuki could be like this? And why...? He thought they'd been going so well over the past years.

'I'll always love you...' Shuichi whispered between sobs, laying on a park bench that he had reached after walking for some time. 'Always...'

A strange blonde that Shuichi had not seen stood between two trees, watching the teen cry himself to sleep with a frown on pink lips. The blonde turned silver eyes to the apartment block that the novelist resided in, a soft sigh slipping from his lips. Then he turned and left.

x-x-End Flashback-x-x

'Shuichi? Shuichi, wake up!'

Tatsuha was pressing a cold cloth to Shuichi's forehead. Shuichi groaned, trying to roll his head away from the cloth. It hurt like hell, but he wasn't sure why. He tried to open his eyes, but quickly closed them. It hurt to feel the light on his pupils.

'Don't try too much just yet. You've had a hard fall.' Tatsuha's voice sounded strained.

'What happened...?' Shuichi asked groggily, finally managing to open his eyes, though slowly.

'That's what I should be asking, really. You came running out of the room and passed out in front of the car.'

'Why does my head hurt?'

'You hit it pretty badly on the pavement..' Tatsuha answered quietly.

Silence fell for some time. Shuichi remembered why he had run – Setoru had slipped the gun into the back of his pants, and he'd bolted after feeling the cold press of the steel against his skin. Thinking of that, there was something wrong... What was it? In a matter of seconds, he remembered and gasped, sitting up quickly and feeling at the back of his pants. It was gone!

'Looking for this?' Tatsuha asked in a hard voice.

Shuichi looked over to see the young man pick up the silver and black gun from the side table. Shuichi sighed and lay back down, pressing a hand to his head, his eyes closing. Hell. Now what was Tatsuha going to think of him.

'I... It's not what you think, Tatsuha...' Shuichi whispered softly.

'Really? Because I think this is the reason that you ran. Setoru gave this to you for some reason. And don't press so hard on your head, it will just get worse.'

Tatsuha picked up the cloth from where it had fallen when Shuichi sat up so quickly and rinsed it off in a bowl of water, then pried Shuichi's hand from his head and put the cloth back on his forehead. Shuichi let his hand drop back to the bed, sighing again, his eyes still closed. Tatsuha was going to hate him.

'Well, yeah. That's pretty much it.'

'I'm not going to ask you why he gave it to you, or why you took it. But Shuichi... Be careful. This kind of thing... Setoru doesn't help people unless there's something in it for him.'

Tatsuha had a rough idea already of what the weapon was for, and truthfully, he thought he'd be angrier at the both of them if anything was to happen to his brother. But somewhere deep down, he almost felt like it wouldn't so much be hurting Eiri, as to be freeing him. From himself.

'I'll get you something to eat. In the mean time, don't move.'

Tatsuha got up and left the room, leaving Shuichi to troubled thoughts.

- - - -

-

-

-

-

A/N: Well that got out sooner than I expected. I seem to have had some inspiration.


	8. Can you hear me?

**Can you hear me?**

**-**

**-**

**-**

**-**

**-**

**-**

'Damn it all, what is going on here?' Tatsuha questioned himself, pouring a coffee in the kitchen.

Tatsuha had left Shuichi to his thoughts in the room and come out to the kitchen for coffee and thoughts of his own. He couldn't understand what the gun was for. Well, actually, he could, and that was what bothered him. Setoru had given Shuichi the weapon with the intent that the young man would take somebodies life. But who's life was it going to be? That was what had Tatsuha worried most.

He sipped at the hot coffee, frowning again. He should be angry, yelling, screaming if there was any possibility that his brother was going to leave this world. So why wasn't he? He couldn't understand himself. He'd thought earlier that it would be more like freeing Eiri than anything else. But from what? There was nothing to free the novelist from, was there?

Shaking his head, he tried to rid the thoughts from his mind as he put his coffee aside, pulled out a large pot from the bottom cupboard and began pulling things out of the fridge to prepare a stew for Shuichi to eat. It would probably help him more than take-out, not to mention that it would be healthier – despite the fact that he lost count of the amount of times he slipped and cut his finger while doing so, and the amount of bandaids he went through in the process.

- - - -

'So you gave it to him, then?'

Two men stood in a room, one with red hair down to his waist and the other with short blue hair. It was the lounge room of Hiro's apartment, and he was speaking with Setoru – the blue haired male was acting slightly fearful of the red-haired guitarist, taking a slight step back as he nodded slightly. Setoru had never quite understood why Hiroshi had tracked him down in the first place, and paid him to do this.

'Good. There has to be an end to this...'

Hiro said softly, running a hand through his long hair, seemingly speaking to himself. After they had stood for a few minutes in silence, Hiro glared at the man, as though asking what he was still there for. Then his expression cleared as he seemed to remember, and he picked up an envelope of a table, handing it silently to Setoru. He waited then, as the blue haired man went through the money, checking that it was all there.

'You can leave now.'

Hiro stated simply. Setoru nodded slightly, opened his mouth as if to say something, then seemed to decide better of it, turning and exiting through the door. Hiro sighed softly once the man was gone, walking to his bedroom. He sank down onto the bed, sitting with his hand over his eyes, elbows resting on his knees. A blonde man surveyed him from the other side of the room, his head tilted to the side with a slight frown.

'Is this to your liking, Eiri?' Hiro suddenly asked.

'Yes.' The blonde answered, stepping forward toward him. 'I know Shuichi will make the right decision. He should be happy, without me. Thank you, for helping me Hiroshi.'

'I'm not helping you. I'm helping Shuichi. And I just want things to go back to normal and for you to stop following me around, making people think I'm crazy.'

'I will stop following you once Shuichi does this.'

'I know, that's the only reason I'm doing it.'

Hiro growled softly to himself. He let himself fall back onto the bed on his back, arm thrown out to cover his eyes. He never thought life would get this hard, but it had ever since Eiri had skitzed out on Shuichi and gone insane, then gone and made it even worse. It was just lucky Shuichi wasn't around to see what he had done – he'd branched off his novels and written articles on singers and actors pointing out all the bad things – Shuichi most often would appear in his writings.

'I just wish you'd never changed on him, then we wouldn't be in this mess.'

Hiro muttered to himself. Then he heard movement from the other room and frowned. Burglars? No way, he'd never been robbed. He got up from the bed slowly, slinking over to his bedroom door, picking up his guitar on the way. Sure he treasured it, but he liked his own life a little more. And so he held the instrument ready to swing as he flicked the light to the main room on again – and sighed with relief and frustration.

'Hiroshi, are you okay? I heard you talking to someone.'

Now caught in the act of trying to sneak through the house, K stood up and slung the large gun he carried over his shoulder, trying to look past Hiro's scowling face into the bedroom. Hiro covered his eyes with his hand, placing his guitar down gently despite the urge to break it over his managers' head. Then it hit him. How much had the blonde man heard? He could still try to play it off like nothing.

'Just late night musing is all. What are you doing here, anyway?'

'Well, you don't beat around the bush, do you?' K chuckled, shaking his head.

'But you do. Now what is it?'

'I came to find out why a handgun is missing from my stock when you were the only person in my house two days ago.'

Hiro fell silent, frowning. How could he play this off? He'd gone to K's because he wanted to talk to the man about Shuichi's worsening state, and when they were going to get back to work. Being that Shuichi was in Kyoto, he hadn't been able to attend work, and so everything they had been going to do before the incidents with Eiri was put on hold until Shuichi felt okay enough to return.

'Yeah, I took it.' Hiro stated, telling a part truth. 'I thought I mind need some protection when I went out to Kyoto to meet Shuichi, but I lost it.'

'You lost it?' K raised an eyebrow.

'Yeah. I think I dropped it while I was riding.'

'You know I don't believe that.' K said, frowning as he stepped closer to Hiro and put a large hand on his cheek, brushing his thumb beneath his bottom lip. 'Why can't you tell me the truth?'

'I think you should leave.' Hiro said tensely after a slight pause.

K sighed and nodded, letting his hand slip away before he turned and went for the door. He paused and looked back at Hiro, calculating, then shook his head and left. The guitarist had been a little odd lately, and extremely stressed. But no matter the amount of rejections he received – K would never give up on trying to get Hiro to open up to him and let him into his life. He'd only just realised that he'd fallen in love with the guitarist.

As soon as he heard the door click shut, Hiro sighed and slumped over the countertop, elbows and arms stretched out. He hated turning K down liked that – after all, he cared about the man a great deal, probably more than he should – but until this stuff with Shuichi was sorted out, he couldn't do anything. Not a single thing. That meant turning K down, too.

Shuichi approached the door to Hiro's apartment slowly. Only a few moments ago, he'd seen K rushing off with a troubled expression. He wondered if this was really the right time. But there was nothing for it. So he inhaled as though he could breathe in the courage, then raised a fist and knocked on the door softly. After a few minutes of waiting, he knocked harder, knowing that Hiro was home.

Suddenly, the door was pulled inward and Hiro was standing there, frowning.

'Oh, it's you Shuichi. Come in.' Hiro stepped away from the door and waved his hand for Shuichi to come in, then closed it behind his younger friend. 'What's up?'

'Oh, nothing really.' Shuichi tried a reassuring smile.

'No? You came all the way out here for nothing?' Hiro asked doubtfully.

'Well I thought maybe we could sit down and talk and stuff... Like we used to.'

Hiro frowned slightly again. Shuichi hadn't seen him in weeks, so why would he suddenly be here? He didn't understand. By the looks of the bag on his back, he intended on staying the night as well. Odd. He would have thought that he'd been kicked out, but Shuichi wasn't with Eiri anymore. And besides, the look on his face made it look like he really wanted to talk. So he put on his best grin, and ruffled Shuichi's hair.

'I'll call pizza.'

- - - -

Two hours later, Shuichi and Hiro were laying on their backs, laughing at some joke that Hiro had told. And the Eiri that Shuichi couldn't see was standing off to one side, watching. Once they both calmed down into soft pants of breathlessness, Hiro turned to look at the singer, for the first time actually taking in his appearance. Shuichi's hair was still black with red streaks, but it was shorter now and he styled it to look messy. Today he'd worn a black, white and red shirt, the colors running in horizontal stripes, and his usual black belted pants. He'd got new boots though – heavy black ones.

'Shuichi, why'd you really come over?'

Shuichi paused, looking at his friend for a moment. He had come over for a reason, that was true. He just wasn't so sure about it now. But if there was one person who should know, it was the guitarist that had helped him through every hard time he'd ever had in his whole life. So he stood up, and began unbuckling his pants, biting his bottom lip.

'Don't freak I... I just need to show you something Hiro...'

Hiro nodded slightly, watching Shuichi with an expression of both doubt and curiousness, waiting for him. Shuichi looked at him once more, then looked at Hiro again as he slid his pants off. He was wearing shorts underneath the pants, so it was obvious that he'd prepared for this, covering the most important things. What the material didn't cover, however, were the deep wounds inflicted on Shuichi's thighs, most of them spelling out the same word – 'Yuki'.

Both Eiri and Hiro gasped at the same time, in shock. There was barely an inch of skin above his knees that wasn't cut or damaged somehow. Eiri took a step toward Shuichi, tears filling golden eyes slowly, an expression of hurt on his face, as well as pure loathing for himself.

'Shuichi... How could you do this...?' Eiri whispered.

Shuichi didn't hear him, however, and after a few moments he pulled the pants back up and buckled them, then sunk to the floor beside Hiro, who could not say anything for shock. He never expected his younger friend to go this far. And that was probably why he now thought his plan needed to be done as quickly as possible.

'Shuichi... You have to stop this. I love you, Shuichi.'

Eiri had approached and stood next to Shuichi. He put a hand on the boy's shoulder, then sighed as it went straight through. Eiri was no more than a spirit, tied to Hiro because he had come to the guitarist for help. Help to destroy his corrupted self. And now, he couldn't even tell his lover how much he loved him. It was Hiro speaking to him – Hiro telling him it would be okay and that he needed to move on. The blonde novelist dropped to his knees, burying his face in his hands. Then he lifted his head and looked at his lover, screaming out the words that he already knew the answer to.

'Why can't you hear me anymore?!'

Shuichi didn't love him anymore.

- - - -

A/N: To clear up any confusion, the Eiri I speak about in this chapter is actually his spirit of sorts, seperated from his body because the cancer Eiri developed has sent him insane/delusional/irrational. But Eiri really does love Shuichi.


	9. Who am I?

* * *

* * *

**Who am I?**

**-**

Okay, I really need reviews or this will be the last chapter. I know people have read this crap I write, but if I have no feedback any more then I can't keep writing this one, because so far I'm figuring it's really, really bad. So please review. Someone. Anyone.

* * *

-

-

-

Shuichi was sitting at the kitchen table opposite Tatsuha, his arms folded too tightly to even take the cigarette out of his mouth. It was just hanging between his lips, making the occasional jump if Shuichi took a drag or the ash dropped onto his tee, which was a dark blue color today. Tatsuha sat across from him, a worried expression on his face. Shuichi had come home late the night before. He'd been covered in bruises, and blood, but Tatsuha had the suspicion that not all of it was his own. But he'd refused to talk about it, and after having a shower, gone to bed without Tatsuha.

Now it was around half past nine in the morning, they had been up for three hours, and for those three hours Shuichi had been just sitting there, eyes distant with that cigarette in his lips, only changing it when he realised it had gone out, and lighting another one. Tatsuha had tried to talk to him, only little things like asking if he wanted breakfast, but all he really got in response was small grunts.

'Shuichi, enough of this. What happened?' Tatsuha asked finally.

'I don't want to talk about it.' Shuichi replied testily.

'Sometimes you have to tell people things, Shuichi...' Tatsuha began softly, but Shuichi beat him to the next words, slamming his hand down hard on the table as the singer stood quickly, the chair toppling over.

'No, you don't! And I don't need to speak to _anyone_, okay?!'

Shuichi's growling voice shocked Tatsuha into silence. Okay so he had intended to pressure the younger man into telling him, but he hadn't thought he'd snap like that. He looked at Shuichi properly, taking in the way he was leaning heavily on the table, scowl on his face and breathing angrily. Then Shuichi dropped his head down, letting his dark hair hide his features.

'Shuichi... Can't you talk to me anymore?' Tatsuha asked quietly.

'I-' Shuichi paused, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. '..Yes.'

'Then tell me what happened. Please...' Tatsuha walked to Shuichi, putting a hand on his shoulder.

'Okay... It was... Last night, on the way home...' Shuichi shuddered slightly.

* * *

_The night before..._

_'Hey kid, you look lonely...'_

_A man with short black hair was leering at Shuichi, standing on the train, whereas Shuichi was sitting beside the doors. Shuichi looked up from the new lyrics he was writing and scowled slightly, purple eyes narrowing into slits despite the fear he was beginning to feel. He'd left his contacts out today – had this guy recognised him, even with his different hair._

_'I'm fine, thank you very much.' Shuichi's voice was not much more than a growl through gritted teeth._

_'Are you sure? I wouldn't mind keeping a pretty thing like you company.'_

_'I don't need your company.' Shuichi replied, angry now._

_'What about my friends' company?' The man said with an evil laugh._

_Shuichi turned in time to see that the door that led to the adjoining train carriage had opened, and there was a man with orange hair and an American look to him was stepping through. Behind him was another american looking man, but Shuichi didn't get much of a chance to look at him before the first hit landed on his jaw, throwing him to the ground. The two Americans turned him face up, so he could see the first man leering at him, then they held him down and started beating him._

_Shuichi realised he was going to die, right here on this train. Then he realised he didn't want to die. He didn't want to leave Hiro, or Tatsuha, and he'd be damned if he died before he got Eiri! With an almost primate scream, he threw the shocked American off him there was only one holding him down at this point with his feeble struggling and stood, his eyes had gone dark and he was pissed off._

_The two men came at him before the third had a chance to get up. Big mistake. They would have been better off going up against him as the three of them. As it was, the first man swung a punch, and Shuichi easily ducked it, bringing his fist with him as he stood up, his whole body's force behind it as he caught the orange-haired American under his chin. There was a crack and the man was down, but Shuichi didn't stop, whirling around in a rage to land a hard fist on the first man's face, then to quickly duck again, avoiding the attack from the other American – the orange haired American hadn't stood so far._

_Shuichi laughed and began to taunt them cruelly, moving this way and that every time they went to move, making them unsure. Then he simply dived in, all fury and fists, finding two landings for his right fist and one for his left before he was thrown onto his back. Almost instinctually, he timed the kick with both feet so that he caught the other American with a forceful kick, nearly feeling the ribs snap beneath his feet – That was how high the momentum had taken him. He was on his feet again in minutes, laughing and holding his fists ready._

_Both American's were down now, and it was only the first man left, looking even uglier with a scowl and his eyebrow bleeding. Shuichi didn't hesitate, he jumped forward, but he misjudged – the man's hand was on his throat in a second and kicks and punches were raining down on him. Desperate, Shuichi brought his knee up and forward, and connected. He was let go, and within seconds was on top of the man, furiously hitting him with both fists, blood spraying into his face._

_When the train pulled into the station ten minutes later, it was with him being escorted off the station with two officers. They weren't rough with him, but they took him to the police station and kept him there a long time. When they couldn't find any records of who he was thanks to Tohma and Eiri erasing Shuichi's identity completely, he found out later and it being proved that he had been provoked, he was let out before they found that the man had died in hospital._

* * *

'Hell...' Tatsuha whispered when Shuichi finished, sinking into the chair, shocked. 'Shuichi... Why? Why didn't you just run...?'

'Because I... I wanted him dead. Well maybe not dead but... I wanted to hurt him... I really did...'

'Shuichi...'

'Who am I, Tatsuha? I don't know who I am anymore... I really killed someone...'

Tatsuha fell silent, staring at the top of the table in shock. He'd never picked Shuichi for one that would kill a man. But it seemed he was. So why didn't he think anything differently about Shuichi? Why did he still want to wrap the boy in his arms at night? And why did he still want to kiss him and be with him forever, as he had been restraining himself from for the last few months? And why, right now, when there were tears slowly cascading down the singers' face, did he want to wrap him up and tell him he loved him?

'I'll look for another place tomorrow...' Shuichi broke the silence softly.

'What?' Tatsuha started, and a frown came across his face. 'Why?'

'Well I can't imagine you want a criminal living with you...' Shuichi smiled regretfully.

'Shuichi...' Tatsuha stood and bit his lip with slight indecision. Then he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around a shocked Shuichi. 'I don't want you to leave. I don't want you to ever leave.'

'Tatsuha...' Shuichi whispered softly, then buried his face in Tatsuha's shoulder, his arms wrapping around the man's middle.

'I don't care what happened, Shuichi. I care about you.' Tatsuha said into his hair softly.

Shuichi couldn't say anything. He was shocked at what Tatsuha felt, but at the same time, guilty. Because deep down, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he was ready – and he was planning to kill Eiri.

-

-

-

* * *

-

* * *

Short, I know. But oh well. I just felt that perhaps it should end here. The rest is for the next chapter, if it comes. 


	10. Deadline

_**Deadline**_

* * *

* * *

Extreme thanks to Tyara for the review on the last chapter. n.n At least now I know maybe this story isn't headed for the trash. So, I'll keep writing. No idea on how many more chapters yet... This might even be the last one.

Hiro was relaxing in his apartment late at night. Well, perhaps relaxing was too strong a word. Moping would be better for his current state of mind. He was laying on his back on the floor, staring at the ceiling. Most of his thoughts were about what Shuichi was going to do, as usual. But that was to hide the fact that he was really thinking about K. What would they be able to do together once Shuichi had taken care of his problem, and everything was back to normal? Go out together? Hiro smiled at the thought. He was interrupted from his musings by a quiet voice.

'It's time.'

Hiro scowled as he sat up, staring at the nearly transparent Eiri. The man was standing there with an odd expression on his face, just staring at him. Hiro huffed and stood up, scowling as he went to the kitchen and grabbed a drink of water, washing the alcohol taste from his mouth.

'Time for what, Eiri?'

Hiro asked and glared at the man. Eiri only stared back at him, giving a slight smile to cover depressed eyes.

'Time to tell Tatsuha what's going on.'

- - - -

Shuichi sat in the back of a cab that was more like a limousine, the separating window wound up so that the driver could not see what he was doing. It was half past eleven on a Monday night – if he knew Eiri at all, the man would be sleeping, far too tired after finishing his book days ago, a few weeks after his original deadline. Shuichi smirked to himself. All the little quirks and sad habits the novelist had, Shuichi had memorized and would be forever etched into his brain.

He sighed as he attached the silencer to the hand gun that Setoru had given him. It made the thing look too big in his small hand. Bulky, like someone had tried to make a toy a replica of a gun, and had made it too big for a child's hands. More, it looked like Shuichi was a child, trying to be the big man. The singer sighed and let his head rest back against the seat, tucking the weapon into his belt and pulling his shirt down to cover it. It was loaded, but hell, he didn't care. Danger was nothing now.

Tatsuha had helped him dye his hair again, a deep red this time, a day after the fight on the train. It helped him not to be recognized, coupled with his new contacts that changed his eyes to a brown, nearly black color. The best part was that Eiri would have to take a very close look at him to know who he was – which gave him a bigger advantage over the man.

Noticing familiar scenery, Shuichi called for the driver to pull over, and once they were stopped, got out and gave the man the money he owed, plus a tip. Shuichi knew that if he was caught with this he wouldn't need the money anymore. But then again, the gun wasn't his, and he would be leaving no evidence behind, as he wouldn't touch anything. So if anyone got caught, it wouldn't be him. But looking around, he realized he didn't have the time to be dreaming about things. He took a deep, shuddering breath, then stepped forward and began the walk to Eiri's apartment.

- - - -

Tatsuha was just making himself a midnight snack when he heard somebody at the front door. He frowned and looked at his watch, noticing the time. It was half past eleven, on a Monday night. Any other time he would have been asleep, but Shuichi had gone out and he was worried. Shuichi had been going out a lot lately, starting fights and finishing them more times than not. But he hadn't been this late before.

He walked to the door and pulled it open with a frown, seeing Hiro standing there. He had to wonder what the man was doing here at this time of night with that doubtful and perhaps fearful expression on his face. It was quite unusual for Shuichi's friend to be even slightly unsure about anything, but he was standing there, fiddling with his clothes and his hands, showing every sign of being extremely nervous.

'Hey, Tatsuha. Can I come in? I need to tell you something.'

Tatsuha frowned again but nodded, stepping to one side. Hiro nodded his thanks and stepped into the place, only taking a few steps before he turned around to look at Tatsuha. Tatsuha closed the door then turned to face the guitarist, a frown on his lips and his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

'What can you possibly want to talk about at this time?'

Tatsuha asked rather bluntly.

'Well... It's about Shuichi, and that day with Setoru.'

Hiro paused and took a breath, looking at the black haired man then quickly down again before continuing.

'Setoru gave him a gun...'

'Well I know that.'

Tatsuha answered, frustration showing on his features. He relaxed slightly, thinking this was all and that Hiro didn't know anything more than that. He walked past the slightly shocked and silent guitarist to get to the kitchen, finishing off making his snack, which turned out to be two sushi rolls. Not the fastest snack to prepare, but he was good at making it and he loved the taste.

'Oh. Well... Do you know what it was for?'

Tatsuha paused at those words from Hiro's mouth, his own eyes narrowing as he could see in the others' eyes that he knew. He sighed and put his snack down, then walked to the lounge and motioned for Hiro to sit. The guitarist walked over and did so, eyes trained on the floor between his feet rather than on Tatsuha.

'You had better start from the beginning.'

So the guitarist did so, telling him of how he knew what Eiri had been doing after Shuichi left, about how it was not Tohma, but it was him that had helped the blonde novelist erase Shuichi's identity, since they had been having an affair at the time. He told of how this spirit of Eiri's which Tatsuha didn't believe one word of that part had come to him and asked for his help. He told how he had contacted Setoru, bribing and blackmailing the man into meeting Shuichi and giving him the gun, and how he now knew that Shuichi was headed for Eiri right now, to kill either the novelist or himself, or both.

By the time he was finished, Tatsuha had fallen into a shocked, and not totally believing, silence. They sat there for some few minutes, Tatsuha's eyes wide and staring at the wall, Hiro looking ashamed and staring nowhere but the ground, maybe fiddling with his shoe once in awhile. The whole visit had totaled fifteen minutes so far.

'You... really did this?'

Tatsuha whispered in a slightly scared voice, eyes sliding smoothly to meet Hiro's. The guitarist didn't speak as he looked up into the black haired man's eyes and slowly nodded. Tatsuha shook his head slightly, then got up. He walked in a circle twice, turned around and hit the wall with a growl, then paced to the door and back quickly a few times.

'I have to go... I have to go get him before... fuck... Fuck!'

Tatsuha spoke softly, not finishing his words, then yelled the curse, the information seeming to finally click in. He paid no attention to Hiro as he snatched his keys and ran out the door, leaving it open. He bolted down the stairs, nearly falling several times before he finally reached the door and ran into the cold night. He didn't even realize that he had forgotten to throw on a shirt, bare chested and shoe-less, wearing only a pair of faded jeans. He unlocked the car, nearly breaking the handle in his haste before he threw himself in the seat, turned it on and didn't even bother with a seat belt before he threw it in reverse and slammed his foot on the accelerator, spinning in a semi-circle to turn the car the right way on the road, tires screeching.

Ten minutes ago

'Eiri...'

Shuichi had let himself into the apartment quietly, after pulling on a pair of black gloves to keep his finger prints off the door knob. Now he was quietly stepping into the main room, calling out his ex-lovers name in a sadistic, soft tone. He'd already pulled the hand gun from the back of his pants and now held it facing to the ground, both hands around it, his fingers slightly flexing, whether with anticipation or nervousness. Probably both.

'Eiri..'

He called out again, stretching the first two letters out longer in that same sadistic soft tone. He grinned to himself as he saw the sliver of light that meant that Eiri's bedroom door was open slightly, and he'd just turned on the light. Shuichi continued until he was just past the only light switch in the hallway, so that Eiri would not be able to flick it on. He could hear the man cursing as he pulled himself out of bed. Typical lazy bastard, he probably had some kid in that bed.

He saw the door open then and froze where he was, bringing the gun up in both of his hands to aim straight at Eiri. The novelist had his head down, so had not seen him yet. Shuichi let him get within about five meters of himself before he spoke again, this time in a flat, cold tone, loud enough that Eiri would hear.

'Don't move.'

As he had predicted, Eiri froze in his tracks, his head snapping up in shock at how close the voice was. Shuichi could just see those golden eyes narrowing in anger, but trying to actually see through the dark to find out who it was. Shuichi smirked at that, knowing the older novelist wouldn't recognise him with the change. He never really knew Shuichi anyway. He never tried. Shuichi saw the man take a step and scowled, speaking again.

'I will not hesitate to put a bullet through you, though it would be unfortunate. I hoped we could have a little talk first.'

'Who the hell are you, and what do you want?'

Shuichi was nearly shocked at the sound of the voice coming from his ex-lovers' mouth. Nearly. The words came out harshly, as though from a person that hadn't used his voice in months. Despite that, Shuichi could pick up the cold bitterness that resided in the words and of course, the unrelenting anger. That thought brought a chuckle from his lips, cold and cruel.

'Angry, Eiri? What do you have to be angry about?'

'And why should I tell some little shit that has broken into my house?'

'Because this little shit once knew you. Still do, as a matter of fact, since I knew you'd be dead tired after spending a week with next to no sleep trying to finish just the last chapter, two weeks late.'

Shuichi smirked to himself at that. He could see the slight shock that flitted over Eiri's face before he managed to hide it from the young singer. It was almost instantly replaced with anger, burning hotter than it had before. Eiri was nearly livid by this point, and Shuichi could see it clearly. So he opened his mouth and spoke again.

'You know, I think I knew you better than anyone. But you never really knew me, did you Eiri? Tell me something... Did you ever try?'

'Who the hell are you?!'

Eiri yelled the words, and Shuichi could hear a definite note of panic in his voice, once he blocked out the anger in it. That pleased him, that he could make his ex-lover panic the way the man used to make him. It felt... Well, good, to get some sort of payback.

'You still don't know? I'm hurt. I thought you might have figured it out by now, _**lover**_.'

Silence for a few breaking moments. Then...

'...Shuichi...?'

'Took you long enough.'

'Shuichi... We can work this out... Please... I've missed you...'

Shuichi laughed, high, cold, and cruel. Eiri missed him, what a crock of shit. The man was begging, for gods sake! He knew this routine though, oh yes. He'd seen Eiri use it on so many others before. He knew it was just the man's way of getting the advantage, and he wasn't going to win this time.

'You seriously think I'm going to believe your lies? I told you Eiri, I know you. I loved you, once.'

'Please Shuichi... You've never stopped loving me before, don't stop now... You wanted to talk... Please, let's talk.'

'I stopped loving you a long time ago Eiri.'

Shuichi responded, then shook his head. He had felt a pang at saying that, but it was only because he hadn't really said it yet. And yes, it still hurt, but he would never, ever love Eiri again. That time was well and truly gone, because now, he had fallen in love with Tatsuha, not for being similar to Eiri, but because the black haired man was completely opposite in every way. He continued, though with a frown.

'I wanted to talk, yes. But to tell you why I am about to be rid of you, once and for all.'

'Shuichi, you don't want to do this-'

'Yes I do. Now, Eiri, I want to ask you. Did you ever love me?'

'What? Of course I did, I still do Shuichi!'

Eiri was getting angry again and Shuichi could tell. He continued, keeping the weaponed aimed at Eiri. It was interesting, doing this in the dark, though he hadn't quite planned it this way.

'How much?'

'I... What do you mean?! How can I tell you how much, that isn't possible!'

'Obviously not enough, then. Let me tell you why I stopped loving you, Eiri...'

Shuichi spoke softly and his eyes narrowed maliciously. This was the steps he would take in every fight. He would walk closer to the person, as he was doing to Eiri now, lowering the gun. He heard a speeding car in the night hit the skids very close, but he paid it no heed. He would keep getting closer until he was right near the person. And now he was slipping his arm around Eiri's waist, pressing his body against the man until he heard him groan, and felt his head drop to his shoulder.

Shuichi would trail his hand down to grip an ass cheek firmly, the gun still tight in his grip. As he would lean up to gently nip at the pale skin of Eiri's neck, he'd bring the free hand around to cup the man's erection, bringing a groan and watching those eyes close. And when, only when, he had managed to covertly move the hand gun so that the cold metal was pressed against Eiri's throat, he would nip at his ear and listen to the sudden gasp, the fearful, heavy breathing, and bring himself to whisper in the man's ear, hot breath caressing the shell of his ear.

'I am in love with Tatsuha, and your death is going to allow us to be together.'

And then, in that moment that the heavy breathing would become a shocked gasp, in the moment that the young singer knew that the foul betrayer understood exactly every word that he had spat like poison, Shuichi would pull slightly away with a growl, and with the weapon positioned perfectly to penetrate the man's brain, he pulled the trigger.


	11. I can hear you now

_**I can hear you now...**_

* * *

Would he ever forget the way that the body of Eiri Uesugi dropped to the floor, pulling him down to his knees with it so that he could stare so closely at the man he had killed? Or the way that he had expected it to be so easy, but he was so traumatised in his mind? He didn't think so, somehow. Hot tears were cascading down Shuichi's cheeks without shame. He had done an unforgivable deed, and somehow, he always knew it would come to this.

He stood up and away from the body, taking several steps back, not in horror but to place himself some way from the body. When he was found, he would not have Tatsuha believe he followed Eiri out of love, he would have him know that he did it to pay for his deed. Tatsuha... He hoped the man would forgive him.

'Never believe that I followed you out of love, Eiri. This is my payment for what I had to do.'

'Shuichi!'

He heard a voice scream, but assumed it was in his head, as he closed his eyes and brought the gun to his temple. He gulped slightly, preparing himself for the worst as his finger tightened on the trigger. He felt the hand that held the gun move and pulled the trigger, but the bullet went into the floor and he found himself on his knees again, confused. Had he fallen?

'Shuichi, what the fuck?!'

He turned to the voice only to find Tatsuha with an arm around him, his hand around Shuichi's, holding the weapon down to the floor. He registered shock in his own mind, and fear and confusion in Tatsuha's eyes.

'Tatsuha... I have to pay... What I did...'

'Dammit Shuichi, you don't have to pay for anything, it doesn't matter!'

'You don't understand...'

Shuichi began, his eyes filling with tears. He had to tell Tatsuha now, and the man would probably shoot him himself. But to his surprise, Tatsuha shook his head and placed a hand over Shuichi's mouth, effectively shocking him to silence.

'Shuichi, I know you killed Eiri. But please, don't make me lose you too. Eiri needed this...'

'But... He's your brother... You don't hate me?'

'Shuichi, Eiri has been asking for this for a long time. This will set him free.'

Tatsuha was speaking in soothing tones, slowly easing the weapon out of Shuichi's hands. Once it was gone, the black haired man sighed and pulled the red head into a tight embrace, holding onto the singer as though his life depended on that mere fact.

'He needed someone to set him free, Shu. Don't punish yourself for that.'

'He's right.'

Both of the males stopped and stared incredulously up the hallway. There was Eiri, standing and perfectly able to be seen, as though the light was on. Except, Eiri was still in a lifeless lump on the floor. But this lit Eiri standing over the body was actually smiling, like he used to do with Shuichi. The young singer stared in shock, while Tatsuha simply held him.

'...Eiri...?'

Shuichi whispered in shock.

'I'm so glad you can hear me now, Shuichi. Thank you for helping me. Something was taking over me, I never wanted to be that way. Maybe one day you can forgive me for everything I did to you. But you got rid of that bad part and now I can be the person you made me. I hope you and Tatsuha are happy together, and I suppose I will see you both when it's your time to go.'

'Eiri... I...'

'It's time for me to go, Shuichi, and let you live your life. Don't forget me.'

And just like that, Eiri was gone, no long walk into the light or anything like that. Just gone, and Shuichi wondered if he had ever been there to start with, or if he had hallucinated. He looked at Tatsuha, and the black haired man just nodded, assuring him that it was true. Shuichi frowned for a moment, then looked back at the man.

'Tatsuha... I love you. Let's go home...'

He whispered softly. Tatsuha simply nodded and stood, picking the redhead up in his arms. Shuichi seemed shocked for a moment, but seconds later, he relaxed and let his head rest against Tatsuha's shoulder, closing his eyes. He really did love this man. Tatsuha gently kissed his forehead, then carried him out of the place.

As Tatsuha was placing Shuichi in the car, he noticed the boy was asleep and smiled. He did the seat belt up, then kissed Shuichi's lips gently. The singer stirred slightly, but he never woke up to hear the words that Tatsuha whispered gently, with a sense of happiness that he could finally say the words and mean them with every bit of his being.

'I love you too, Shuichi.'

* * *

A/N: Yes, I know the last two chapters sucked, and I'm sorry for that. I just wanted it over and done with.


End file.
